Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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