I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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