Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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