Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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