So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
