I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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