sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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