If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
