I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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