Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
