Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
