4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize