Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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