haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
