I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
