these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
