I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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