I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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