3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
