I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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