at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
