My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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