We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
