I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
