I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
