this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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