I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
