every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i now understand why vodka
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
