Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
false alarm. still invincible.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
