hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
