If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
