We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
