How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
