Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Alive.
So much puke
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
