Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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