The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
