I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
