I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I FOUND THE LEGS
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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