that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
