I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I cannot find my penis.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
