i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just pee around me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dicks are not precious.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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