I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
