how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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