I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
