I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Terrible idea I love it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
