dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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