She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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