I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
