I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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