There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize