His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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