i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
