i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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