Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
