i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
