Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
