She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
