I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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