it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
