I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
