Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
