my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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