He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
