Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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