She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
