I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
