Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
